Week 3 - Day 3

The gym went well yesterday, although I am still not getting in as much cardio as perhaps I should. My legs were killing me from Monday, so I'm not going to worry too much about it. It feels like most of October has been incredibly stressful and I am looking forward to my program changing next week as well as something of a reprieve between then and Thanksgiving.

We did arms and I felt so weak, but I worked to failure and I went up on weight in everything except the preacher curl which is the bane of my existence. I guess muscle failure is the only kind of failure that I can cope with.

Food was awful yesterday. I noticed that I'm not as hungry as I think I am. I have become so used to packing away food that I think I'm overstuffing myself. I had a protein shake for breakfast, which was a good choice, but then it was downhill from there. We did Cici's for lunch (4 slices and 2 of dessert pizza, plus root beer) and Panda Express for dinner. I realized at Panda Express that 2 entrees and a side is way too much food. I need to do the bowl from now on, but I like to try new things, so that's why I want 2. My curiosity is what gets the better of me. Still, one entree and one side is more than enough, I now know. I threw some of my dinner in the trash because I was so full.

On the bright side, there was no snacking yesterday. I did think about making myself throw up after dinner, but I didn't do it. I also had a cupcake . . . Ugh.

I am so tired of hating myself. I liked it a lot better when I was taking a pill that made me not care about food. But I also think that not taking pills is a better choice in the long run.

I wish I had written about it yesterday - I was having some kind of thought about skinny people. Maybe jealousy that some people can seem to eat whatever they want with minimal consequences and here I am. I know there are skinny people who live off garbage all day every day. And they don't exercise. I know it catches up with them, but it's still annoying.

I will be so happy when I get a crock pot and no longer have any excuse for eating out all the time. At least by Saturday morning my kitchen will be clean. So there's that.

I feel like I'm being really whiny. It's no one else's fault that I have no self control. :-( I have no one to blame but myself. I guess I can feel good about the fact that I am getting stronger, even if I'm not getting skinnier.