Week 2 - Day 4

I did not go to the gym yesterday. I spent my morning at a very neat upscale consignment store looking for something to wear the the General's house last night. It was a 2 hour process, but I came away with 2 very nice outfits. I wore a black pencil skirt and a purple blouse to the coffee event, with my pewter ruffle shoes. The other outfit was a black and pink zigzag striped maxi dress with a black bodice. Very stylish.

I spent the rest of the day getting ready. I over-plucked my eyebrows . . . and I made the mistake of trying to get dinner before I took a shower and got dressed and wound up being almost late. I had to park very far away, so I had to walk in those heels for what felt like miles. By the time I got to the front door I was sweaty and my feet were killing me. I think I didn't sit down once the whole night.

I didn't really get to talk to Ashton, but I did get her number and we are supposed to take That Sprout for tea next week on her birthday, so that will be fun. I wish I had been able to talk to her, but she is a lot more gregarious than I am. I was very overwhelmed by all the people and I quickly realized that the event was not what it was advertised. I thought we would be networking and getting to know one another. Nay Nay.

"What does your husband do?"
"What was his MOS before?"
"Where were you stationed before?"
"Do you have an children?"
"What made him want to join Civil Affairs?"

And on and on and on about our husbands. I spent at least 30 minutes yesterday afternoon writing some notes about what to talk about if I was asked questions about myself. Where I went to school, where I was from. What my interests are. My hopes and dreams. All worded so as not to give too much information but to show who I am. Just like Emily Post and Michael Jasek taught me. No one even asked. The most that came up was that I am from Crescent City. I feel sort of conceited to be so complainy about "What about ME?" but really, I don't know or care about what my husband does. It's nothing to me. If we're supposed to be making friends and forming a support network isn't it more important to figure out who we all are as individuals rather than as extensions of our spouses.

Apparently not.

And then there was the "Protocol Presentation" that seemed to go on FOR-EV-ER. First of all, I didn't really learn anything I didn't already know. Secondly, I was galled that there is apparently this expectation that I'm supposed to be Martha Stewart. It's not that I don't want to be Martha Stewart - it's the expectation. If I were to try to do some kind of fancy party and no one was expecting it of me I could feel free to do it my way, and if I didn't do it perfectly it would be okay because no one would know any different. But if there are these expectations already in place, suddenly this thing that I want to do feels like a competition. Everyone will be expecting things of me. They will know if I don't do it right. They will know that I don't have a full place setting. They will know that I don't know what I am doing. I will be exposed as a fraud.

The General's wife was nice enough, but I came away feeling like an outsider anyway. I don't want to just be an accessory to my husband's career. I want to be known and appreciated for something I did on my own.

Also, on a weight loss note: I felt very self-conscious about my weight, but thankfully I felt confident in my outfit, so it wasn't so bad. I wish I looked like everyone else. It would be one less thing to worry about.

Oh, and one more thing: There was a woman there and her husband was a higher ranking officer. A Major maybe? She was talking about how you have to go to all these events and you have to wear a different outfit to each one. I said half jokingly that I would buy one dress and wear it to every event of the season. She's all like "Uh, no. That's the exact opposite of what you want to do." Very snippy. I was thinking "Lady, the Army is not buying me all these new dresses. Just because you said that, watch me do it. Try me. I dare someone to say something."

This is why I didn't make the cheerleading squad. This shit right here.